Roasted 2 years ago based on ❛ Jellyloops ❜'s long term Spotify stats.

Oh, look who decided to assemble a Spotify profile straight out of an abandoned hipster café’s playlist! "Jellyloops"? Seriously? That name sounds like something you'd find in the bargain bin of a thrift shop next to expired glitter and a sad-looking lava lamp. Your favorite genres read like the tragic Tinder bio of someone desperately trying to prove they’re quirky and misunderstood - "POV: Indie"? What’s next, “POV: I’m still living in my parents' basement”? You have more niche genres than a guide for overcomplicated artisanal coffee picks. And your top artists? Mother Mother sounds like the band your 30-year-old cousin tells you to like while he secretly cries alone in his car about missed deadlines and existential dread. Glass Animals? Good luck trying to dance to “Heat Waves” when it sounds like you’re stuck in a loop of high school angst! You’ve crafted such an eclectic mix of artists that it feels like they’re all fighting for the title of who can be the most irrelevant on a Spotify Top 100. Honestly, “Fish in a Birdcage” sounds like the name of my pet goldfish after it’s been absorbed into the great beyond. Let’s talk about those most played songs. “SPIDER WEB” by Melanie Martinez? I guess you’re trying to resonate with your inner arachnid, but the only thing that’s trapped in that web is your sense of self-awareness. “I’m Gonna Win” by Rob Cantor? Maybe you should focus on winning over some friends before you're over there jamming out on your Saturday night alone by the flickering light of your laptop. At this point, I’m convinced your Spotify account is just a cry for help disguised as a musical diary of all your misguided crushes and “deep” feelings. If ‘shiver pop’ is what gets you off, I suggest maybe you spend less time curating playlists and more time actually living!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!