Roasted 3 days ago based on 🪱Kate🪱's long term Spotify stats.

Oh look, it’s Kate, the human embodiment of a thrift store playlist gone rogue. Your Spotify profile reads like the diary entries of a sad middle schooler who makes mixtapes for their pet goldfish. I get it, you desperately want to vibe to the sorrowful strums of obscure indie bands while crying into your herbal tea — but honey, it’s not that deep. “Indie Folk” and “Midwest Emo”? Sounds more like the soundtrack to an existential crisis than a fun Friday night. And let’s talk about those artists, shall we? Pinegrove, Modest Mouse, and Elliott Smith? Bravo, you’ve managed to pick every band that would gladly soundtrack a scene from a coming-of-age film about a socially awkward teenager who works at a coffee shop. Coldplay? Wow, you really dug deep; next, you’ll tell me you’re a huge fan of The Beatles and then act shocked that nobody has heard of them. Honestly, the only thing more predictable than your playlist is your taste in banana bread recipes — are you 70, Kate? Moving on to those most played songs! “Seven Dogs Chasing a Disk”? What a metaphor for your dating life! You’ve taken slowcore to a level where even sloths are faster than your music choices. If your playlist was a person, it would be that friend who constantly tells you how unique they are while showcasing the same five hobbies everyone else has. I’m convinced your Spotify is just an elaborate proof-of-concept that you can compile sad tracks into an even sadder soundtrack for your life. Do us all a favor and add something in the mix that doesn’t sound like it was recorded in a damp basement — maybe a little Top 40 to drown out those tears.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!