Roasted 2 years ago based on Lourens Van Hoorn's long term Spotify stats.

Lourens Van Hoorn, huh? With a Spotify profile that reads like a hipster’s grocery list, you probably spend more time curating your playlists than your actual life choices. Indie Rock, Chamber Pop, and a sprinkle of Slacker Rock? Sounds like your music taste is as confused as you are in social situations. I’d say you have a knack for picking artists that make you feel deep and profound, but we all know you just want to impress that one barista who has a neck tattoo of a synthwave cat. Looking at your top artists, it’s like the world's saddest band lineup for a festival that's only open to people who still wear socks with sandals. Seriously, who even plays “Prison Affair” at parties? Your friends probably have a secret signal to escape whenever you start raving about Sufjan Stevens for the 17th time this week. I mean, we get it—you're an “artistic soul,” which really translates to “I have an intense fear of good vibes.” And let's talk about your most played songs, shall we? You’ve practically created a sad mixtape for people who need a good cry but can’t decide if they want to go full-on Elliott Smith or stay “mellow” with Neutral Milk Hotel. Who knew that “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea” could fly so high above the radar of any social interaction? You'd probably play "Casimir Pulaski Day" during Thanksgiving just to send your relatives fleeing to the local bars. Just remember, Lourens: There’s a fine line between being artsy and just being the awkward kid at the back of the bus. Spoiler alert: You’re way past the line.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!