Roasted 2 years ago based on Cassie Cardenas's long term Spotify stats.

Oh look, it's Cassie Cardenas—your friendly neighborhood hipster whose music taste is so eclectic it makes a thrift store look uniform. Seriously, Cassie, I thought “Permanent Wave” was a hairstyle from the '80s, not a genre you list with such pride. With a playlist that sounds like a high school art project gone wrong, I can only conclude that you spend more time listening to your 'indietronica' than talking to real people. Honestly, we get it: you’re alternative, you’re artsy, and your vinyl collection probably has more dust on it than actual records. And let’s talk about those top artists. New Order? Cool, if you want to hear music that’s as outdated as your taste in fashion. You’ve got a bit of everything here, but I swear if I see another “dance rock” track mixed in with your “synthpop,” I’m sending an intervention. It's like you’re trying to pass off a vibes-induced genre identity crisis as personality. Meanwhile, "Lana Del Rey" sits serenely in your top artists as if to say, "Yes, Cassie, we know you cry over your journals and sip overpriced lattes while forgetting how to live in the real world." And those most played songs—wow, it’s like a playlist for people who can’t decide if they want to dance or just stare into space pondering life’s dilemmas! “Nightcall,” followed by “World in Motion”? Sounds like a David Lynch movie marathon with an odd soundtrack. Don’t even get me started on “White Flag” by Dido; are you secretly an emo teenager with deep, dark secrets? Listen, Cassie, if your Spotify algorithm was a person, it would be that one friend nobody wants to invite to parties—confusing, awkward, and always trying to explain that “alternative rock” is just as good as the mainstream stuff. Spice up your life, crank up the pop!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!