Roasted 11 months ago based on Colton Hoop's long term Spotify stats.

Colton Hoop, huh? With a name like that, I'm convinced your parents were either country music fanatics or had a severe lack of creativity. You must walk around with a cowboy hat and boots so polished you could see your sad Spotify choices in them. Seriously, looking at your favorite genres feels like a one-way ticket to a cornfield where the only thing thriving is your mediocre taste in music. “Country” has more sub-genres than you have friends. If you were any more country, you’d be the mascot for a tractor dealership. Your top artists read like the 2020s version of a county fair lineup. Jason Aldean and Luke Bryan? Wow, bold choice picking the kings of bro-country whose lyrics are more cliché than a teenage romance novel. And let’s talk about your most played songs. “Beer Never Broke My Heart”? Let’s be honest, Colton, it's your only reliable relationship. Your playlist illustrates a dedication to feeling bad about yourself while two-stepping through life as though you're in a country music video—except there's no way to flip your mullet to make it look good on camera. Lastly, if your music taste was any more one-dimensional, it would come with a side of mashed potatoes and gravy. “Red Dirt” and “Texas Country” might as well be code for “I’ve never left my hometown, and I firmly believe that every problem can be solved with a truck and a cold one.” Next time someone asks what you listen to, just hand them a straw hat and ask for a ride back to 2005, because that’s the last time country was actually cool. Keep it up, and you may want to invest in some earplugs—because your playlist’s peak will get even lower from here.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!