Roasted 2 years ago based on Chris's long term Spotify stats.

Oh Chris, your Spotify profile is like a candy store in a dentist's office—sweet and utterly cringe-worthy at the same time. With a musical library packed tighter than a hipster's skinny jeans, it's clear you're the only person on earth who thought "Metropopolis" or "Escape Room" was actually a genre. I mean, it’s like you put on a blindfold and threw darts at a list of terms the trendiest Googled artists created after hitting up a massive “What’s Cool?” forum. Who knew ‘Proto-Hyperpop’ was a thing—and more importantly, who let you add it to your profile? Your top artists read like a crying emoji wrapped in glitter, showcasing a vibe that’s less "let's get the party started" and more "let's have a group therapy session while learning TikTok dances." I’m almost impressed with how you’ve managed to curate an entire playlist of artists who sound like they’re auditioning for the role of “Cameo in a Cosmetic Commercial?” It’s like your taste in music lacks the fundamental understanding of what 'good' really is. I mean, even the genres are angling for a participation trophy. "Indie Pop" is basically just the artist saying, "I only want to sound niche and depressed—please validate me through overly layered production!" And don’t even get me started on those most played songs—it’s as if you scrolled through a list of titles and just shook your head like, “Yep, that’s what my sad little heart beats to.” "Good Luck, Babe!" is definitely a cry for help and not in the way you intended. You must feel it resonates with your ex's snooze-worthy taste in music. I can just picture you blasting “Cinderella” while crying into a pint of oat milk ice cream, trying to grasp what went wrong in your pop-tastic life. Honestly, Chris, if pop music was an Olympic sport, you’d be disqualified for blatant lack of originality. But hey, at least you're bringing some serious “What Not To Listen To” vibes to the party!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!