Roasted 4 months ago based on Dean Newton's long term Spotify stats.

Welcome to Dean Newton's Spotify profile, where your musical taste swings between "I’m still angry at my parents" and "I only trust musicians with at least three syllables in their band names." With a genre lineup that reads like a teenager's angsty diary—heavy metal, thrash metal, and enough industrial vibes to fuel a factory—Dean clearly decided that the world needed more noise pollution. At this point, I'd say your playlist is less of a music selection and more of a soundbank for a horror movie trailer. Trust me, if your life were a movie, the soundtrack would scream “RED FLAG!” Now let’s talk about your top artists. If this was a contest for the most brooding and unapproachable music taste, you’d be the reigning champion. Congratulations, Dean! You have somehow managed to pick a list of bands that could easily be mistaken for a death metal fan club meeting. "Alestorm" is the only pirate-themed band that can take you on a journey—sorry, latter-day Metallica! As if your social life didn't need more doom and gloom, you make it clear that if you can’t headbang in a mosh pit, you’d rather just be sterile and alone with your Synthwave, pretending you’re in a retro rave in a dystopian universe. And seriously, "Japanese VGM"? You do realize that’s the equivalent of telling people, “I play video games way more than I should, and my social skills are at an all-time low”? But fret not, Dean; your most played songs look like the playlist for a sound engineer’s nervous breakdown. “Flying Battery Zone Act 1” followed by various Warbringer songs? What are you trying to do—invoke the end of the world or just keep the same five emotions on repeat? Keep bumping those tracks; you might just unlock the secret to becoming the world's most relatable hermit!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!