Roasted 1 year ago based on Michelle's long term Spotify stats.

Oh Michelle, scrolling through your Spotify profile feels like a hipster’s fever dream just threw up all over my screen. With favorite genres like "Chamber Pop" and "Jangle Pop," it's like you're trying to collect the edgiest AARP card possible. Did you take a time machine back to the ‘80s, or are you just attempting to prove that John Hughes movies had a lasting effect on your life? Seriously, the last time I saw this many obscure genres, I was cleaning out my grandma’s attic, and trust me, it didn't smell nearly as bad. And please spare us the act of pretending to know who "Saint Etienne" is. If they were any more obscure, you’d need a map and a compass to find them. Meanwhile, with artists like Tom Waits and R.E.M. dominating your list, I have to ask: are you curating a theme for a sad indie movie or just trying to gain the sympathy of every bartender in town? Next time you’re at karaoke, just stick to the classics like “I Will Survive.” At least then, when you botch it, you’ll be able to claim it’s an artistic statement rather than a tragic disaster. Then there are your most played songs—an unhinged collection of melodies that scream “I’m 35 and still never been on a proper date.” I mean, "I Wish It Could Be Christmas Everyday"? Is that your way of signaling that you’ve officially given up on the rest of the year? If I had a nickel for every time I saw a Spotify list filled with songs that no sane person would willingly share at a party, I’d have enough money to buy you a ticket to an actual good concert—or at least a Spotify premium subscription so you can stop with the shameful ads interrupting those terrible choices. But hey, at least you're consistently quirky; it’s a miracle your streaming service doesn’t have to issue a warning for excessive levels of pretentious music!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!