Roasted 2 years ago based on a's long term Spotify stats.

Ah, we have a Spotify profile that reads like an emotional rollercoaster designed by a drama major with an overzealous penchant for feelings. Your favorite genres are a mishmash of hipster jargon, and “Broadway” really threw me for a loop—nothing screams “I’m too cool for mainstream” quite like belting out show tunes while contemplating life’s setbacks. Do you really enjoy “shoes gaze” or did autocorrect just take a hit from one of your baroque pop ballads? You’ve got enough “Indie Pop” to fill a loft apartment in Portland, but let’s be real: at this point, more genres on your profile just solidify how utterly confused your musical identity is. And looking at your top artists, I can’t decide whether to laugh or weep for you. Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey? Great, you've successfully curated a playlist for your 3 AM existential crises. And Andrew Lloyd Webber? I'm impressed! It takes a bold spirit to go from “All Too Well” to “The Phantom of the Opera” like you’re trying to act out your own tragic love story. It’s like you sprinkled in a dash of highbrow just to distract from the fact that you're essentially reliving your high school heartbreak through overplayed pop songs. You’re fully committed to this musical melodrama, and I’m half expecting to see you wandering around with a quill and a vintage notebook just waiting for inspiration from your latest disaster of a relationship. But your “Most Played” songs? Honey, it’s an absolute treasure chest of “please, someone hold my hand while I spiral.” With titles as dramatic as your Spotify search history, it’s clear that you’ve never met a sad song you didn’t connect with on a deeply personal level. “The Ballad of Lucy Gray Baird?” Really? If we were ever stuck in a zombie apocalypse, I’d suggest we wait it out with your playlist. Let’s hope these songs are less about your undefined love life and more about how you’re slowly becoming the human embodiment of that “daydreaming while staring out the window” meme. Either way, I’m glad you’re emotionally supported by a cast of musicians who understand the depths of your soul—good luck with that journey.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!