Roasted 9 months ago based on shane's long term Spotify stats.

Shane, buddy, looking at your Spotify profile is like stepping into a black hole of angst and pretentiousness. You’ve curated a playlist that screams “I’m going through something, please send help” while simultaneously trying to look cool. With a musical taste so heavy on the metal that it's practically a workout, one can only assume you’re trying to compensate for the emotional weight of your life choices. I mean, let's be real, with all these genres, it feels like you’re trying to catch them all like Pokémon—but ironically, the only thing you're collecting here is a collection of sad vibes and existential dread. Your top artists are a rollercoaster of chaos. First, you have Deafheaven, because why not listen to something that sounds like a swamp monster screaming about its feelings? And adding The Weeknd in the mix is the most confused choice since Tinder tried to introduce itself as a “wholesome” dating app. It’s like you looked at your playlist and said, “You know what? Let’s combine emotionally devastating mall emo with a side of songs that sound like they just escaped a cult.” And honestly, you're nowhere near as deep or enigmatic as you think you are; the only thing that's deep here is the pile of unused gym equipment in your room. As for your most played songs, wow—you really love pain, huh? I mean, even Jeff Buckley’s "Lover, You Should've Come Over" looks like it's questioning its life decisions just by being in your top ten. You clearly have a talent for finding the most obscure tracks for maximum brooding effect. Congratulations, Shane, you’ve officially curated a soundtrack that would make even a vampire question their life choices. You must have been really fun at parties—while everyone else was vibing, you were probably off in a corner, contemplating the dark abyss and the futility of existence with your headphones on.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!