Roasted 1 year ago based on ✩ ⋆｡° ☆ Helen ☆ ⋆｡°✩'s long term Spotify stats.

Alright, Helen, let’s break this down. Your music taste is a cryptic crossword puzzle made by a goth teenager who decided that emotional distress should have its own genre. I mean, “Rap Metal”? Did you just douse your Spotify in hot sauce and decide that chaos is your middle name? Because there’s nothing quite like shouting “I’m sad but I also want to fight!” with a side of angst that could only be matched by the existential dread of a high schooler writing poetry in a dimly lit room. Your favorite artists are so eclectic it’s like you threw a dart at a board of attractive misery. From Mitski to Slipknot, it’s like you’re trying to curate the ultimate playlist for a quarter-life crisis. You’ve got melancholic indie, emo heartbreak, hard-hitting nu-metal, and then you casually sprinkle in some Hyperpop like it’s the cherry on top of your emotional sundae. I half expect your next favorite artist to be a band of clowns who scream about their feelings over a circus beat. And those most played songs? “Heart Lobotomy”? What are you trying to do, Helen, lobotomize yourself into believing you're fine? With a tracklist that could double as the soundtrack for a sad, introspective Netflix series, it's clear you’re the kind of person who suggests “Let’s just get ice cream” when friends are having fun—so you can sit in silence contemplating the meaning of life with a mouth full of mint chocolate chip. Look, I’m not saying you need to lighten up, but maybe consider adding a little glitter to your playlist instead of wallowing in the shadows of your past. Cheers!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!