Roasted 2 months ago based on Jordan's long term Spotify stats.

Jordan, your Spotify profile looks like a desperate attempt to resurrect a time machine and play DJ at a medieval renaissance fair. I mean, who wakes up in the morning and thinks, “You know what I really want? A playlist that makes me feel like I’m being serenaded by the ghost of Johnny Cash while battling dragons!” Your taste is like your food choices—stale, overly cheesy, and an acquired taste that most people wouldn’t bother to develop. You’ve managed to make *classic rock* sound like it’s too advanced for you while somehow fitting in *Gregorian Chant.* Is this a “Last Supper” funeral playlist or your personal Spotify therapy for past life regrets? The fact that your top track is a song by Farya Faraji, who I’m convinced is just a front for a time traveler trying to resurrect the sounds of the past, means your biggest fantasy isn’t just living in the country—it's being a bard at a tavern after hours. It’s as if you took “Southern Rock” and somehow found a way to slap a lute on it. And let's talk about those most played songs: you’ve got an epic mash-up of *dust in the wind* and *the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald.* Congratulations, Jordan! You single-handedly turned your playlists into a collection of funeral dirges that even the Grim Reaper would take a hard pass on. If the music industry was a high school, you’d be the kid who wears flannel to class thinking you're so unique but is really just blending into the wallpaper. Seriously, buddy, next time you're looking for tracks, try not to sound like the soundtrack to an existential crisis in *rural America.*

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!