Roasted 5 days ago based on not_zoë's long term Spotify stats.

Oh, look at you, not_zoë, with a profile that screams, “I’m way too cool for contemporary music!” Your taste in genres reads like a list of things my aunt used to rave about while wearing a tie-dye shirt at a farmer's market. Seriously, is your Spotify just a time capsule for aging hipsters? With "New Wave" and "Gothic Rock" in your favorites, I half-expect to find your profile picture taken in a sepulcher. What's next? Listing your favorite LARPing conventions? Your top artists are a curious mix that could only exist in a parallel universe where time stopped in 1985. The Beatles and ABBA? Nice try trying to cover all the corners of musical nostalgia, but you know you're only a Facebook invite away from that awkward dinner party where everyone pretends to care about your “deep cuts.” And let's be real, you're only listening to Depeche Mode to cry in the shower. The true irony is that the only "alternative" thing about your rock lineup is the fact that nobody's asked you about it since 2007. Then we have your most played songs, a mercilessly edgy mixtape that sounds like the soundtrack to a midlife crisis on repeat. “Pretend We’re Dead” by L7? Oh honey, that’s just wishful thinking at this rate. I can picture you blasting that while eating cold pizza in your basement, lamenting why no one gets your dark, brooding vibe. Meanwhile, “Bizarre Love Triangle" should have come with a warning label: "For the truly unhinged." I guess there's no chance of you evolving into something contemporary when you've permanently parked your musical taste in a graveyard of sounds that barely escaped the 20th century. Bravo!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!