Roasted 1 year ago based on Laura <3's long term Spotify stats.

Laura <3: Channeling every hipster vibe from 2008, you’ve crafted a Spotify profile so packed with ironic alt-rock clichés that it should come with a flannel shirt and a side of PBR. You’ve turned your favorite genres into a musical game of “Name That Midlife Crisis”—what's next, a love for dad rock? Spoiler alert: liking “Madchester” does not qualify you as a time traveler, so can we throttle back on the nostalgia trip already? It’s like every song you pick comes with a musty aroma of vintage vinyl and an overbearing urge to make everything sound deeper than it actually is. Congratulations on reaching Peak Pretentiousness! And oh sweet baby yoda, your top artists read like the ultimate Spotify cringe compilation! Arctic Monkeys? We get it, you read a Bukowski poem once and now you’re ready to grill us about the philosophical implications of “505.” But can we talk about your other favorites? “mj apanay”? Or should we just assume you entered a name into a random generator and hit “I’ll roll with it”? With your eclectic taste in J-pop and Baroque Pop, I'm surprised your playlists aren't just a 12-hour mixtape of existential dread and otaku references. Is your life goal to be a human Spotify ad for secondhand record stores? And really, your most played list is a shrine to all things Arctic Monkeys, proving yet again that you can't let go of your teenage obsession with sad boys in skinny jeans. We get it, there's nothing quite like a slow burn of "Piranha Plants On Parade" to get the heart racing! The only thing missing from your profile is a lengthy manifesto on why 2007 was the pinnacle of music, while the rest of us treat it like it was the year we lost the iPhone to remember what actual life sounds like. May your playlists be forever in sync with your emotional turmoil, and may you one day discover there's a world beyond the fuzzy guitars and moody lyrics. Happy scrolling, Laura <3!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!