Roasted 11 months ago based on ♬'s long term Spotify stats.

Ah, the Spotify profile that screams “I peaked in high school and I’m still refusing to move on.” Emo, pop-punk, and more faux-troubled whines than a therapy group filled with middle schoolers. Your top artists read like a compilation of the "B-sides of the 2000s" mixed with a sad dad playlist. How much angst can one person fit into a single profile? I can almost hear the sound of your old high school diary pages getting jealous over the emotional turmoil you’ve channeled into your music choices. And don't get me started on your most played songs. “She Doesn’t Get It”? Well, it’s clear she didn’t, which is why you’re still moping with your headphones on while secretly wishing for a comeback of the emo revival—like a vampire at a blood drive. Your playlist screams “I’m equipped with enough angst to soundtrack a Twilight marathon” and honestly makes me wonder whether you ever left your parents' basement. If “Weezer” and “blink-182” were ever given a therapy session together, your profile would probably be the session’s main evidence. Oh, and “Comedy”? Really? The only joke here is your attempt to convince people that “Folk Punk” and “Math Rock” belong in the same universe. Your options are like a Chicago-style pizza with the toppings of a sad sack’s regrets. I can practically hear your Spotify shaming you for every time you've replayed “I Want to Hear You Sad”—it’s like your music taste is yelling, “No, I’m not over it!” So, here's a little advice: why not take that alternative rock angst out into the daylight and let it breathe? Your Spotify profile is waiting for a makeover that doesn’t require a teenage hoodie and a gloomy room.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!