Roasted 9 months ago based on Ashley Stellmach's long term Spotify stats.

Oh Ashley, your Spotify profile reads like a cry for help from the deep, dark corners of a Hot Topic. Seriously, you’ve got more “dark” in your favorite genres than a basement dwelling goth kid on Halloween. If your playlist was a room, I’d brace myself for the number of black curtains and mood lighting you’d have. Your love for Darkwave and Industrial is less about vibing and more about preparing for a 3 AM existential crisis, isn’t it? One can only hope there's a playlist titled "Help, I'm Stuck in My Feelings" lurking around here. And can we talk about those top artists? Nessa Barrett is your go-to? I guess we can all agree her music is the perfect backdrop for a high school heartbreak that you didn’t even have to experience yourself. But hey, who needs therapy when you have Jutes and smutty song titles? If only the angst of your playlists could distract from the fact that you definitely still listen to the emo band you discovered in middle school, while sipping on iced coffee and scrolling through TikTok, pretending to be deep and tortured. And let’s not skip your most played songs. "P*RNSTAR"? Really? Your Spotify wrapped this year is basically just one long, sad ode to heartbreak and longing, mixed with an unhealthy dose of “glitter and violence.” It's like your music taste is screaming “I’m a complex person who expresses emotion through introspective synth sounds” while simultaneously slapping on a glittery filter. Keep pouring your angst into those playlists, because it’s clear you’re diving deep – even if it's just to pry open the lid on the latest dark, sad song from Nessa Barrett.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!