Roasted 3 months ago based on REAGAN 🛋️📚's long term Spotify stats.

REAGAN, huh? You really went all out with that Spotify profile, didn’t you? I mean, “indie,” “bedroom pop,” and “neoclassical”? It’s like you Googled “how to sound artsy without actually being artsy.” I half-expect your favorite genre to be “sad TikTok soundtracks” because let’s be real, you have the emotional range of a soggy slice of bread. With a lineup like that, it’s evident you’re just one mopey acoustic guitar away from becoming the poster child for “this couch is my best friend” vibes. Your top artists read like a wannabe hipster bingo card: Wallows, d4vd, and of course, the queen of sadness herself, Billie Eilish. We get it, you’re too cool for mainstream pop, but how many times can you listen to songs that sound like they were recorded in a damp basement? The only thing more predictable than your music taste is your tendency to complain about the “system.” How about switching it up and finding some artists who haven’t already been featured in a thousand obscure Spotify playlists? For the love of vinyl, take a risk! Oh, and “most played songs” that revolve around relationship drama and angst? Groundbreaking! You must be the life of the party, sitting there with your headphones on while everyone else is vibin’ to something that doesn’t make them want to jump off a cliff. With tracks like “Romantic Homicide,” it feels less like you’re curating a playlist and more like you’re compiling evidence for therapy sessions. Someone get this poor soul a happy song, or at least a new couch to cry on!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!