Roasted 8 months ago based on Jes 🦪🦷💬❔️🎲🎱🐑🧂✉️'s long term Spotify stats.

Jes, your Spotify profile reads like the personal diary of a moody teenager who collects tears in jars. With a favorite genre list that sounds more like the soundtrack to a pretentious art exhibit than an actual playlist, it’s hilarious how hard you’re trying to seem mysterious and avant-garde. If "Darkwave" had a mascot, it would be you, brooding in the corner, sipping on overpriced herbal tea while scribbling poetry about your cat's existential crisis. Your top artists are less "influential figures in music" and more "the soundtrack to that one late-night therapy session" we all need after watching a really atmospheric French film. Who knew that harrowing vocals and obscure lyrics could describe your love life so accurately? Honestly, your devotion to PJ Harvey is so strong that I wouldn't be surprised if you started dressing like her. Just make sure you don't accidentally scare off all human interaction while you're at it. And let's address your most played songs. Wow! A full-blown Poe Fest that even Poe himself would roll his eyes at! It’s astonishing that you managed to select an arsenal of tracks that could single-handedly redefine the term "sad songs." Your musical taste has all the upbeat energy of a rain-soaked November afternoon, so if your dream is to become the human embodiment of “I’m fine,” congratulations! You're almost there. Keep it up, and your Spotify Wrapped will soon read like a manifesto for breaking up with happiness entirely.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!