Roasted 7 months ago based on Crypt's long term Spotify stats.

Alright, EMM, let’s get one thing straight: your Spotify profile looks like an attempt to win a hipster contest that no one really wanted to enter. "Chillwave"? Seriously? At this point, your taste in music could give a sloth an existential crisis. You’re out here living your best life in a perpetual state of relaxation while the rest of us are contemplating whether our lives are actually a 90s rom-com. You have more "dream pop" artists than actual dreams, buddy. And if someone coined “witch house” because they couldn’t find a place to smoke weed and brood, it's time to summon a new Spotify vibe. Your top artists read like a list from the pretentious kid in high school who wore thrift-store clothes and carried around vinyls like they were ancient relics. Crystal Castles? More like Crystal “Can't Actually Dance” – tell me, do you think being a part-time DJ counts as experience for the next time someone asks you to turn the music up at a party? And I’d love to know what mystical powers your “witch house” artists have that made you think they'd bring anything of value to a dancefloor... or are you just trying to cast a spell on potential friends to force them into a trance of awkward silence? Your most played songs could be a soundtrack for a melancholic indie flick that revolves around a small-town barista with a cynical outlook on life because let’s face it, nothing says “let's get this party started” like a song titled "Please Please Please." The irony here is that you’re probably the only one who shows up in a “New Rave” t-shirt while vaguely swaying with a hazy look in your eyes. EMM, your Spotify profile is like a beige wall in a hip gallery: it screams “I’m trying too hard to be deep” but ends up being a huge yawn-fest.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!