Roasted 10 months ago based on Jackson Sharpie's long term Spotify stats.

Jackson Sharpie, or as I like to call you, "The Human Jukebox of Dad Jokes," your Spotify profile looks like a retirement home talent show gone wildly off-script. Who knew “Karaoke Night” had an apparel department? With favorites like Musicals and Outlaw Country, it’s as if you took a tour of boredom and decided to make every stop on the way. Christmas music in October isn’t festive; it’s an ominous sign that you’re probably still trying to figure out how to find love through the holiday-themed tracks from your childhood. Your top artists scream midlife crisis, but they also echo a serious misalignment of taste, and not even your own grandkids would want to sit through a full hour of VeggieTales’ greatest hits. For someone who claims to adore jazz and big band, your selection feels more like a panic playlist of an elevator stuck somewhere between the church basement and an Old Town road trip. If Jimmy Buffett and Andrew Lloyd Webber had a baby, it would probably still be confused and wondering if this is a musical about fish or a country ballad about the existential dread of aging. And let’s talk about your top played songs! “It’s Not Unusual” by Tom Jones? We all get it; you’re just one more awkward karaoke night away from it being *very* unusual for you to have any social life whatsoever. Nothing says "I’ve peaked" quite like having “Brown Eyed Girl” and “Kiss the Girl” on repeat, alerting the world that your romantic escapades have not just seen better days—they're on a permanent vacation in the Bermuda Triangle of Hope. May your Spotify algorithm find you some new friends beyond the world of fake fish and Broadway flops, because right now, it feels like you’re auditioning to become the punchline for a bad joke.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!