Roasted 2 months ago based on John's long term Spotify stats.

John, your Spotify profile reads like a confused teenager’s diary titled “How to Compensate for My Lack of Personality.” Seriously, your taste in music is like a buffet at a school cafeteria: a hodgepodge of “this was on the radio” hits, mashed with some half-hearted attempts to seem eclectic. You love rap, pop, and R&B but also dabble in Christmas music? Do you seriously think Mariah Carey is going to let you slide with your half-baked taste just because you throw in a sprinkle of Afrobeats and “melodic rap”? Guess what? She’s not impressed. Your top artists are a who’s who of the internet's most basic playlists. Drake, The Weeknd, and Childish Gambino? Wow, such depth — it’s like you took a shot of trendy lyrics straight from the bland factory. You might as well be wearing a graphic tee that says “I love music,” while the hipsters around you cringe at your safe choices. And what’s with the obsession with “Bedroom Pop”? Is it an artistic statement or just your way of justifying your current relationship status of Netflix and takeout? Looking through your most played songs, it seems like you’re trying to curate the soundtrack for the ultimate existential crisis. “Real Love” followed by a song called “Dispose of Me” sounds more like a therapy session than a playlist. Also, “Mary Boone” by Vampire Weekend? You’re really reaching for some indie points there, aren’t you? If you keep this up, you’d better start charging a cover for an open mic night of your life’s worst moments turned into music. All we can do is watch you dig deeper into that musical abyss — and maybe throw you a lifeline in the form of a new genre. You need it.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!