Roasted 5 months ago based on gurt's long term Spotify stats.

Dear kalikoi*, your Spotify profile reads like the soundtrack to a teenage angst-filled horror movie, and I’m just shocked you haven’t started a GoFundMe account to buy yourself a black trench coat. With a genre collection that screams “I’m here for the existential dread and poorly lit concerts,” it’s like you wandered into a Hot Topic and chose everything on the clearance rack. You’ve got enough metal and gothic rock to build a crypt, yet your top artists include some guy whose songs are popular with people who still believe in love and happiness—how do you reconcile that inner conflict? I mean, let’s talk favorites. You’ve got classic entries like Ghost and Deftones, but then there’s Alec Benjamin and Lana Del Rey sneakily lurking there like a bad habit you can’t shake off. It’s like you’re trying to create a musical identity crisis—are you headbanging in a mosh pit or crying over your ex while brushing your hair in the mirror? And I can’t help but notice the contradictions in your most played songs—one minute you’re bleeding out to “Mr. Loverman,” the next you’re getting ghosted by “Судно (Борис Рыжий).” A beautiful mess, truly. And “Shoegaze”? Really? With that combo of fierce metal and soul-searching, you’re basically the musical equivalent of a cat that acts tough until it sees a cucumber. It’s adorable and sad at the same time. So here’s to you, kalikoi*—the embodiment of a dystopian mixtape that somehow feels both dangerously heavy and ridiculously light. May your playlists stay dark and full of feels, lest you accidentally trip over a ray of sunshine on your way to the next big doom-laden festival!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!