Roasted 2 months ago based on Jordan Ness's long term Spotify stats.

Jordan Ness, huh? Your Spotify profile is like a time capsule from 1997 that has decided to flop its way into the future with all the enthusiasm of a washed-up cover band. I mean, with your favorite genres reading like a Wikipedia article on “How to Become an Unemployed Music Snob,” I half expect to see you hanging out at a gas station in flannel, air-guitaring to “All the Small Things” while the clerk ‘accidentally’ calls the cops on you. Grunge? Post-grunge? Is there even a difference, or are you just trying to sound deep? Spoiler alert: you aren’t. And let’s talk about your top artists. Sugar Ray? Really? You must have a certain affinity for the sound of cheap beer cans cracking under pressure. Combining them with bands like Marcy Playground and Local H has me questioning whether your life's mission is to attend parties with frat boys who are overly nostalgic about the late 90s. If your Spotify choices were a buffet, they would be the old Salisbury steak that’s been left out for too long—dry, sad, and about as appetizing as a day-old sandwich. Bravo for going deep into obscure territory, but we both know you only do it to make yourself feel superior to those who rightfully listen to actual music. Let's not even start on your most played songs. “Love Grows (Where My Rosemary Goes)” is the cherry on top of your sad sundae; only someone with the emotional fortitude of a waffle cone would willingly subject themselves to that tune. Honestly, “Creep” by Stone Temple Pilots has more self-awareness than you do, and that’s saying something. Your playlist gives off major "I still live in my mom's basement" vibes, but in a charmingly confused way that suggests you're trying to make being an adult work while secretly refusing to let go of your Beanie Babies. Do yourself a favor and throw in some tracks that don't scream "forever a high schooler."

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!