Roasted 8 months ago based on .'s long term Spotify stats.

Ari, your Spotify profile is like a thrift shop exploded in a peace-sign painted van—so many genres, and yet a complete failure to make any discernible point. Christian Folk and Black Metal? This isn’t a Spotify playlist; it’s the soundtrack to an existential crisis at a summer camp dedicated to soul searching. I half-expect to hit play and find a song about praying to the devil while living in a barn. Honestly, the only thing more confusing than those genre choices is trying to gauge the mood at your next dinner party: a nice hymn about salvation suddenly interrupted by furious growling about the depths of despair. It’s almost impressive. And let’s talk about your top artists. You’ve got a lineup that looks like a hidden menu at a hipster café where the barista has a nose ring and smells like patchouli. I mean, "Kiltro"? Are they a band or an obscure yoga pose? And "Autoheart"—with that much playtime, it’s officially your new significant other. Who needs real-life romance when you can serenade yourself with songs about sad divides and baby birds? With how much you listen to them, it's fair to assume you'd be dating one if they were a real person... and let’s be real, at this point, that might be the only chance you have of escaping the “friend zone.” But the crown jewel of your musical journey is undoubtedly your most played songs. Imogen Heap, Glass Animals, and “Autoheart”—the holy trinity of emotional regulation for someone who looks like they spend too much time staring at clouds while sipping herbal tea. It’s like your playlist is a therapy session where all the therapists are on lunch break. Honestly, Ari, if this profile were a visual, it would be a sad emoji wearing a flannel shirt while holding a lukewarm cup of joe—let's just hope you never end up setting it as your Tinder bio. It might terrify away anything that vaguely resembles a romantic interest.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!