Roasted 4 months ago based on Keyan's long term Spotify stats.

Keyan, your Spotify profile is the music equivalent of a teenager's MySpace page circa 2006. With an identity crisis that screams "I just discovered emo last week," you have more genre confusion than a chameleon at a paint factory. Alternative Metal, Nu Metal, Rap Metal—it's like you took a musical buffet and decided to leave with every dish just so you could say you’ve tried it all. News flash: throwing spaghetti at the wall doesn’t make you an artist; it makes you an indecisive eater. Your top artists are a who's-who of musical angst and obscure references. Shout out to Viktor Vaughn for getting more airtime on your playlist than a public restroom’s “vacant” sign. Seriously, if I hear "Lickupon" one more time, I'm going to personally deliver a cease and desist to your ear canals. It's like your taste in music is a middle school mood ring: happy one minute, valiantly performing the "angst" of a metal band the next, and then suddenly confused by the soothing sounds of jazz rap. Make up your mind, Keyan! Are you raging in a mosh pit or sipping chai lattes at a poetry slam? And don’t get me started on your most played songs. I mean, “A Dead Mouse” perfectly captures the vibe of your Spotify choices—somewhat lifeless, but at least you’re keeping it interesting with MF DOOM and a smattering of Jeff Buckley. It’s like if someone threw together a mixtape for a funeral but forgot to invite the listeners. So, let’s raise a glass to you, Keyan: your profile is a fitting soundtrack to someone fighting existential dread while trying to decide which overpriced artisanal coffee to sip next. Bravo, my friend, bravo!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!