Roasted 6 months ago based on elise everett ✭'s long term Spotify stats.

Elise Everett, your Spotify profile reads like a half-hearted love letter to a thrift store clearance rack. Seriously, the only thing more basic than your favorite genres is a white girl trying to make a pumpkin spice latte at home. “Bedroom Pop” and “Yacht Rock”? Are you trying to curate an ambiance for a romantic evening with your inflatable kayak? I can’t help but picture you in bed, headphones in, sipping herbal tea while contemplating the deep existential crises posed by indie artists with three-digit follower counts. Your top artists are like a who’s who of hipster high school yearbook photos—Faye Webster’s smoky voice couldn’t hide the fact that you’re just trying to get over your last breakup with a guy who owns three flannels. And let’s talk about your profuse love for Blaize Jenkins—who? How are you jamming to a dude whose name sounds like a B-list character from a failed CW drama? He must be paying you to play his tracks on repeat, or maybe you just need to branch out from your Spotify rabbit hole of sad boy music to realize there’s life beyond acoustic guitar strumming in a softly lit room. When it comes to your most played songs, it's a miracle you don't have a permanent dent in your sofa from all that “Pushing It Down and Praying.” You must be getting real cozy there as you dissect every lyric like it’s another episode of your favorite podcast on unresolved emotional trauma. If "River" by Blaize Jenkins is your anthem, I fear for the state of your emotional health. It sounds like your soundtrack is one long therapy session with a side of overgrown vines and an endless supply of hot takes on why your love life is in the dumpster. Get it together, Elise. We're all waiting for the next chapter—preferably one with a little more rock and a lot less sad floating on a river of self-pity!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!