Roasted 2 years ago based on wren's long term Spotify stats.

Well, Aaron, your Spotify profile reads like a hipster's fever dream after binge-watching too many episodes of a PBS documentary on the '70s folk revival. It's almost impressive how you've curated a playlist that screams, "I own a flannel shirt but haven’t actually done any manual labor." It’s like you just Googled the phrase “music for guys who write poetry in coffee shops” and called it a day. Honestly, you could hit shuffle and still find a way to turn every song into a soundtrack for sipping herbal tea while contemplating the meaning of life—if that meaning includes being eternally single. Your top artists are a list of names so obscure that even Wikipedia is raising an eyebrow. It’s like you decided that if the mainstream liked it, you’d reject it twice over in a quest to discover the “real” music—not simply by liking it, but by having a hard-to-pronounce artist magically appear on your profile. Andrew Bird? Great! But I hope you know he probably doesn’t want to be your new best friend. He’s too busy flapping around on his own obscure musical path, trying to escape the sound of your existential crisis as you put his songs on repeat, desperately trying to find the next song to wear your wet socks to. And then there are your most-played songs—all of which sound like they could double as white noise for people trying to fall asleep while reading letters from their long-lost relatives. Really, “Bicycle Kids” by Phil Cook? Are you trying to serenade your future children or just signal to the universe that you’re currently single and very, very sad? At least you’ve got the “Indie Pop” genre to fall back on, because we all know it’s just a code for “I’d rather be the backup dancer in a therapy session.” At the end of the day, Aaron, I can only hope your music taste inspires you to branch out, because right now it looks like you’re one plaid shirt away from being the poster child for “lost in the wilderness.”

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!