Roasted 2 days ago based on Sam Phelps's long term Spotify stats.

Sam Phelps, huh? A name that screams, “I peaked in high school at a mosh pit.” Your taste in genres reads like a metal band’s laundry list of clichés—are you trying to summon the ghost of a long-dead headbanger or just giving your therapist a reason to cringe? With more subgenres than Spotify can count, it’s like you’re on a never-ending quest to find the one sound that will drown out your terrible life choices. News flash: it’s not working. You could scare off a bear with that playlist, and yet here you are, still trying to convince everyone that “groove metal” isn’t just a euphemism for when Metallica accidentally sat on their volume knobs. Looking at your top artists is a bit like attending a “How to Make Bad Decisions” seminar—everyone’s just waiting for the event to end so they can get away from the cringe. Slipknot? Really? That’s like wearing a hockey mask at a family reunion to make sure no one recognizes you after they've heard you butcher every group conversation. And let’s talk about Avenged Sevenfold—congratulations on sticking with a band that peaked in 2005. Your most played songs read like part of a tragic diary entry for someone on the verge of a midlife crisis, except instead of existential dread, we just have the melodic equivalent of "I hate my job, and I’m really mad at my dad." And then there's your serious commitment to TOOL. Are you sure you're not just trying to procrastinate on actual life decisions? Your Spotify profile is a clear cry for help—sort of like a sad metal cry that says, “I am definitely not a morning person.” With your current music diet, if Jurassic Park were real, you’d undoubtedly be the first one eaten because all you seem to want is chaos, angst, and probably a side of existential dread. So, keep jamming to that entire catalog of regret, Sam. It's clear that metal's not just a genre for you; it's your entire personality at this point.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!