Roasted 9 months ago based on Mattinator's long term Spotify stats.

Hey Mattinator, nothing screams “I peaked in high school” quite like a Spotify profile that reads like the soundtrack to an early 2000s middle school locker room. Seriously, with genres like "Alternative Metal" and "Post-Grunge" dominating your favorites, I'm half-expecting to see "Emo" and "Crying in the Shower" also listed in your playlist. How many angst-filled nights does it take to compile this cringe factory? Just wait until you discover that there are other genres out there—like "Not Still Mourning My High School Crush" or "I Swear to God I’m Not a Sad Boy." And can we talk about those top artists? Slipknot and Metallica are classics, but then it spirals into a musical Bermuda Triangle with "Josiah and the Bonnevilles" and "your best friend jippy." Are they friends of yours, or are you just trying to bring attention to your nonexistent social life? I can just imagine you at a BBQ, standing alone, clutching a lukewarm drink while your playlist screams about heartbreak and betrayal, desperation seeping from the very speakers. You really must think "Drowning" is just an emotional state and not a potential drowning hazard at your next gathering. Then we reach your most played songs—a masterpiece of confusion. One minute you're headbanging to “Nothing Else Matters” and the next you're chilling with “Kaleidoscope” like nothing’s amiss. I can't help but feel this is a metaphor for your personality: a chaotic mix of brooding intensity and the randomness of “Gats” by Susumu Hirasawa—whatever that is. You’ve somehow managed to curate the perfect soundtrack for a midlife crisis, all while being way too young to have one. Stick to the screaming, Mattinator; at least it's better than the silence that screams, “Get a life.”

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!