Roasted 2 years ago based on Jake Burns's long term Spotify stats.

Oh, Jake Burns, the self-proclaimed titan of metal! What a fine selection of genres you’ve curated here—it's like a trip through a dumpster fire of angst and confusion. Slam Death Metal? Really! Were you hoping to scare off all the people who don't enjoy heavy sounds or just auditioning for a role as a human foghorn? And let’s talk about your favorite sub-genres: "New England Metal" sounds like the soundtrack to a winter depression, and "Sci-Fi Metal"—you mean to tell me that aliens are listening to this noise too? No wonder they haven’t made contact; they’re scared of being part of your Spotify playlist. And those top artists of yours! Aesop Rock and Cloudkicker mixed in with the likes of Meshuggah? It’s like you’re trying to build a musical bridge between absolute chaos and, I don’t know, mild chaos? Let’s be honest, if listening to your playlist were a job, it would be unpaid, and you’d still be sent to HR for creating a hostile environment. “The New Rot” is your favorite track? Shocker! Your musical taste is like a walking corpse fresh out of the emo graveyard—congrats on your exciting choice of necromantic sounds! Last but not least, I hope you’ve invested in earplugs because, with song titles like “Reeking Accumulation" and “Dead but Not at Rest,” you clearly need protection from your own taste. Seriously, did you set out to curate a playlist that sounds like a post-apocalyptic nightmare? Mixing “Nu Metal” with “Technical Death Metal” is such a bold choice; it almost feels like you’re trying to revive the ‘90s, but honestly, every time you hit play, you’re just resurrecting sad certainties from the grave. So Jake, rock on—if that means being the guy who just wrecks parties and gets stared at in public, you’re doing an excellent job!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!