Roasted 11 months ago based on Haeve's long term Spotify stats.

Oh, Haeve, your Spotify profile reads like someone’s awkward Tinder bio when they realize they’re past their prime and desperately trying to revive a long-dead personality. I mean, “French Rap” and “Garage Rock”? Are you trying to create a musical identity crisis, or are you just conceding that you'll listen to anything that sounds like a sad French film? Let's be honest, with that lineup, the only thing missing is a lonely accordion playing in the background while you sip on wine and question your life choices. Your top artists—De Staat, Disiz, and Yoa—sound like the world's most pretentious dinner party guests, sipping overpriced organic juice while discussing the metaphysical implications of a shoelace. And that transition from Billie Eilish to Lady Gaga? Honestly, it’s so jarring it feels like your Spotify just decided to have a multifaceted existential crisis. With those “most played” songs, one has to wonder if “maddy <3” is a love letter to yourself because, let’s face it, that’s the only love you’re getting with those selections. It’s like you’re trying to curate your own mid-2000s emo playlist but accidentally took a detour through the ‘What Was That?’ section of iTunes. And the inclusion of “Ma Meilleure Ennemie” and “Femme Like U” insinuates you have a deep connection with your inner drama queen. But I’m not sure if you’re trying to start a revolution or just the world’s worst karaoke night. Face it, Haeve, your Spotify is crying for help, and frankly, I’d like to assist with a swift, comprehensive playlist intervention. Because if ever there was a reason to throw your earbuds into a black hole, it’s scrolling through your “Most Played” songs like a cringe-inducing highlight reel of life’s biggest regrets.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!