Roasted 9 months ago based on Julian's long term Spotify stats.

Julian, your Spotify profile is like a hipster thrift store threw up on a used vinyl collection — a chaotic cacophony of genres that would make even a DJ cry. With “Alternative Rock,” “Indie,” and “Psychedelic” all battling for attention, it’s clear you’re here for the aesthetic more than the actual listening experience. I can picture you sipping on your overpriced craft coffee, nodding your head while pretending you’re emotionally tortured — news flash: just because you have a sepia filter over those selfies doesn’t mean you’ve experienced actual depth. Your most-played songs are the musical equivalent of a mediocre SEAL Team Six impersonation: you try to be deep and introspective but end up just being painfully average. Cue Pinegrove and Joy Again — we get it, you discovered them before they hit mainstream, and now you’re wearing that badge like it’s an honorary mention at the Emo Olympics. And let's not overlook “Birds Don't Sing” — it's almost poetic, but we’re still left wondering if anyone ever told you that the only thing they miss is your ability to pick a song that doesn’t sound like a sad alternative soundtrack for your therapy session. As if that weren’t enough, your top artists read like a playlist for pretentious college students who think they’re deep just because they can quote “The Wall.” Seriously, Joe Hisaishi amidst all that gloom? The only thing more confusing is your ability to remain insufferably chill while espousing your eclectic taste. At this point, you’re less of a music aficionado and more of an aesthetic specialist — and that’s not a compliment, unless the compliment is you’ve turned into the human equivalent of a Pinterest board gone rogue.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!