Roasted 7 months ago based on john's long term Spotify stats.

Wow, John. Your Spotify profile reads like the soundtrack to a fancy funeral, and I can’t help but think you might be the only guy showing up to a rave with a tuxedo and a full orchestral score. “Classical” and “Choral” are making quite the appearance here, as if you were researching what sound best puts a room to sleep. Who knew the path to musical taste management was paved with the echoes of Gregorian chants and chamber music? At this rate, the only thing you’re going to be jamming to is the sound of your own snoring during a Bach symphony. Your top artists make a convincing argument that you might actually be a time traveler who just can't get over the Renaissance. Glenn Gould? More like Glenn Gloom if you ask anyone under 80. And don’t even get me started on your love for Emilio de' Cavalieri; I mean, listening to his “Lectio secunda” is as exciting as watching paint dry on a church ceiling. You might want to switch things up and embrace some modern music, because right now your playlist screams “I genuinely enjoy reading tax codes on a breezy Sunday afternoon.” Most played songs that you've picked are literally a clinic in how to give people auditory hallucinogenic experiences that aim for enlightenment but land firmly in the "I might need therapy" territory. You have enough requiems here that if you played this at a party, guests would start spontaneously leaving, convinced that a portal to the afterlife opened up nearby. It’s time to breathe some fresh air into your playlist, John; unless your goal is to be crowned King of the Evacuated Dinner Parties, then by all means, keep those auditory anomalies rolling!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!