Roasted 2 years ago based on Essie's long term Spotify stats.

Essie, your Spotify profile reads like the musical equivalent of a middle school diary—an awkward blend of angst, identity crises, and an obsession with a single band. "Alternative Metal" and "Evanescence" are basically the soundtrack to every introverted emo kid's breakdown, and your love for both screams, "Please validate my sadness!" We get it, you feel deeply and have felt tortured at least once in your lifetime. But did you really need to stream "My Immortal" more than oxygen? Grab a therapist instead of a playlist, will ya? Your favorite genres could form a cult for the chronically misled, passionately screaming into the void whenever a pop song sneaks into your ears. I mean, "Candy Pop"? "Electropop"? You sound like you have multiple personality disorder, jumping from the dark underbelly of metalcore to sugary sweet bubblegum beats. It’s like some hellish buffet where every item is cooked with tears. At this point, even the Pixies are considering a restraining order against your streaming habits—take it as a sign! And let’s talk about your top songs, essentially a love letter to Evanescence. Seriously, if your Spotify wrapped doesn't come with a warning label for emotional overexposure, we’re filing a complaint. "POMONA (Shit Happens)" might be ironic, but it’s basically your soul set to music! You’re singlehandedly keeping the goth revival alive, and your Spotify list is a time capsule of high school heartbreak. Maybe it’s time to close the door on your angst stage, Essie, and open a window to some happy tunes—you know, so you can remember what sunshine feels like!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!