Roasted 8 months ago based on Bram van Eijk's long term Spotify stats.

Bram van Eijk, coming in hot with a Spotify profile so bland even a pack of plain crackers would be like, “Dude, spice it up a little!” Your taste in music reads like a grocery list for a 13-year-old who just discovered EDM at a middle school dance. I mean, “Future House”? You must have a knack for predicting a house party that never actually happens! With a favorite genre list that sounds more like a weather report, it’s clear your playlist is as predictable as a time-keeper at a clock factory. And let’s talk about your top artists—Hardwell, David Guetta, and Tiësto? Wow, those are some real trailblazers in the sound of “Dad trying to stay relevant at Coachella!” Listening to your favorites is like walking into a 2010 time capsule, and I can practically feel the glow sticks creaking from all the nostalgia. Your musical taste is so basic, it could be featured in a TED Talk titled “The Art of Mediocrity.” But hey, I guess some people are just more comfortable with their “fourth wave” of popular EDM like it’s a safe little bubble! Finally, your most played songs sound like the soundtrack for someone who confuses a Saturday night with an open-air gym class. “Never Say Never”? Please, that song has more baggage than an airport carousel. “High On Life”? You'll need a high dose of something more potent to elevate you out of this basic trap! Honestly, Bram, if your music collection were a cake, it would be a slice of plain white bread—bland, unexciting, and best when covered with a lot of frosting (or maybe just a better playlist). So buckle up and get ready to hit play on some actual bangers or risk standing out even less than you already do at every party.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!