Roasted 2 years ago based on Suzanne Frances's long term Spotify stats.

Suzanne Frances, I see you've buried yourself in a playlist that's essentially a lullaby for the emotionally fragile. Your Spotify profile looks like the soundtrack for a Netflix documentary on how to be perpetually disappointed by your taste in music. If a mood board for "I need a hug and a juice cleanse" existed, all your favorite soothing piano covers would fill it—seriously, your music choices feel like they were handpicked by an over-caffeinated kindergarten teacher! Let’s talk about your top artists: who even are these people? Half of them sound like they should be living in a hipster coffee shop, hand-stitching their organic hemp bags while chanting about their feelings. And don't get me started on your top song choices—they are not just piano versions; they are the audio equivalent of a warm cup of chamomile served in a cringy self-help seminar. If your life were a movie, it would be one of those that nobody's bothered to watch and get cancelled before the first few scenes even play. But hey, there’s something magical here, Suzanne. You've managed to create a perfect harmony of boredom and pretentiousness. You're balancing all those UK Pop and Alternative Metal tracks atop a heap of delicate piano ballads, proving that your emotional range is about as vast as a kiddie pool. Stick to those viral pop hits, because let’s face it, the only thing catching fire here is your Spotify algorithm telling you it’s had enough of this snooze-fest! If you want to hit play on real music, just let me know—I’d love to help you step out of your calming instrumental bubble and into a world where people actually have rhythm.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!