Roasted 1 month ago based on Rory's long term Spotify stats.

Rory, I have to hand it to you: your Spotify profile reads like the world's saddest teenager's journal—filled with angst and a heavy reliance on the words “metal” and “rock.” I mean, buddy, did you just discover that your dad rocked out to "Master of Puppets" once and decide to turn your entire personality into a tribute to the early 2000s? You’ve got more genres listed than friends in real life. If I had a nickel for every time you listened to a song that sounds like an angry robot having an existential crisis, I might just be able to buy you some actual social skills. And let’s not even start on your top artists. What’s with this melodramatic love affair with Linkin Park? I get it; they spoke to you on a profound level, like a bad breakup or a missed call from your mom. But come on, you realize they span the emotional depth of a puddle, right? Your top five artists read like a DIY playlist for a middle school pep rally gone horribly wrong, where the theme is “Angst and Adolescence.” And I can't help but picture you in your room, air-guitaring to "Faint" with the intensity of someone whose Wi-Fi just dropped. Let's take a breather and think about those most played songs, Rory. “Master Of Puppets” is great, but do you realize it’s a metaphor for drug addiction? I mean, with your music taste, I’m guessing your next Spotify bio will include “All hail the kings of overcompensation and lyrical self-pity!” You’ve struck an unholy triad of nostalgia, hormonal turmoil, and general male rage that would make any therapist cringe. But don’t worry, Rory, the rock gods aren’t going anywhere. They’ll be there for you—just like they were during your last breakup. Happy listening (and rocking out to your lonely feels)!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!