Roasted 2 years ago based on ‎‧₊˚✧ caitlin ✧˚₊‧'s long term Spotify stats.

Caitlin, your Spotify profile reads like a playlist for a sad millennial who found out her favorite blanket is being discontinued. Seriously, with a list of genres that seems longer than your patience for any music released before 2010, we get it – you’re unashamedly a pop princess navigating the treacherous waters of “indie” and “art” like it’s a hipster obstacle course. Did you wake up one day and decide that having a diverse taste in music means collecting every flavor of sad girl anthems in existence? Because sweetie, it’s not a buffet, it’s a cry for help. And oh, the top artists list! You’ve got more indecisive choices than my dating habits. First off, kudos for managing to cram Lana Del Rey, Lady Gaga, and a bunch of artists who probably have fewer followers than your last Instagram post all into one list – it’s like a music industry scavenger hunt for people who need to let their emotions out in a safe space. “Cigarettes After Sex”? More like “I’ll smoke just to feel something.” Buddy, nobody needs ten variations of sadness, especially when you blast them into the universe like you’re releasing an emotional hostage. Your most played songs? I can't decide what's more cringeworthy: the titles of the songs or the fact that “I LOVE YOU HOE” is nestled between angst-driven odes to self-loathing from an artist named Odetari. You’re telling me that you serenade your existential crisis with tunes from Flower Face and Zeph? I’d laugh, but I can see you are doing that enough for all of us over your Spotify account. At this point, you’re basically one sad note away from writing a dissertation on why a “Pisces Moon” feels like an adequate reason to order takeout and cry while binge-watching reality TV. Keep that energy, Caitlin; it’s the only thing more exhausting than scrolling through your profile.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!