Roasted 2 years ago based on Porpoisefully's long term Spotify stats.

Oh look, it’s Porpoisefully, the human embodiment of a thrift store throw-up! I mean, your music taste screams “I’m deep, bro,” while the rest of us are wondering if you’re too afraid to leave your bubblegum-colored bedroom. “Indie Pop” and “Bubblegrunge”? At this point, I half-expect you to whip out a precious collection of friendship bracelets and start crying over avocado toast. Who knew avoiding the mainstream could also mean avoiding any real emotional depth? Your top artists read like a Pinterest board for boyfriends who write poetry but can’t pay rent. If your playlist were a pizza, it’d be all crust with no toppings—just sad melodies sprinkled on a base of, “Please notice me, Mom!” Every time you hit play on “the perfect pair,” I can practically hear the echo of a hundred heart emojis being tapped out in your DMs as your Spotify algorithms spiral into a depression of their own. You’ve got more love songs in your top tracks than a high school diary! And don’t get me started on your favorite genres; “Bedroom R&B” sounds like the soundtrack to a college dropout’s emotional crisis during a roommate-standoff over dirty dishes. Broadway? Honey, I get it; you’re trying to find the most dramatic exit from any social event! The only thing more cringeworthy than your playlist combination is the fact that you've got so much Laufey on repeat you might as well start a fan club. So here’s the truth: you’re not saving indie music; you’re just donating it to social media cringe archives.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!