Roasted 3 months ago based on David's long term Spotify stats.

David, your Spotify profile reads like a middle schooler’s art project gone horribly wrong. You've got more genres listed than friends on Facebook, and I can’t help but wonder if you just googled “cool music terms” and threw them in there hoping something would stick. “Math Rock” and “Djent”? Bro, are you sure you aren’t just trying to justify your failing math grades with your taste in music? I mean, “Progressive Metal” is just a fancy way of saying “music for when you really want to contemplate your choices post-breakup.” You’ve got more tracks by Polyphia than most people have in their entire library; at this point, it looks like you’re in a committed relationship with the band. When you said “Playing God,” was that your way of announcing you’ve officially lost yours? Seriously, if I had a nickel for every time I heard someone glorifying Polyphia, I could probably afford to buy you some actual variety in your life. Branch out a little, Dave; I don’t think there’s a rule that says you can only listen to instrumental guitar wankery or sad boy moods. As for your favorite artists… it’s like you curated a playlist for a hipster apocalypse. Between "Post Malone" and "Journey," you give off major “I’m a flaky friend who’s always late but insists I have good taste” vibes. Grab a seat on the EDM train with your buddy Flume while you reminisce about the top 40 that actually define this decade. With a smorgasbord of genres like yours, it seems you’re trying to taste everything but still manage to end up with a plate of musical mush. Keep searching for that perfect sound—maybe you’ll finally discover how to enjoy music that's not just for aspiring guitar gods and emotional teenagers.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!