Roasted 1 year ago based on Maarten van de Kruijs's long term Spotify stats.

Maarten van de Kruijs, oh boy, where do we even start? Your Spotify profile reads like a mid-life crisis on shuffle. You’ve got more sub-genres than a hipster café menu—“Jazz Funk,” “Nu Jazz,” “Acid Jazz”? Bro, pick a lane! At this point, your music taste is like a dad trying to flex at a school dance; it's just awkward and way too enthusiastic for its own good. You know, they say variety is the spice of life, but your playlist is like a seven-course meal featuring nothing but tofu. And the artists? Cory Wong and Snarky Puppy? I mean, come on! I haven’t seen that much pretension since the last time I read an art critique. Listening to your top artists feels like I stumbled into a college lecture on jazz improvisation, and I didn’t even bring my pretentious beret. Not only that, but you have "The 8-Bit Big Band" in your most played, which is essentially teenage nostalgia being taken way too seriously—like someone who still wears their high school band t-shirt while talking about the "good old days." Don’t even get me started on your top songs. “Fix You” by Cody Fry, really? That song has more emotional baggage than you do, and that’s saying something! It's like your playlist is throwing a pity party, and you forgot to send the invites to fun. And “Super Mario Land Underground” is a low-key flex for nerds you just can’t pull off. If your Spotify profile doesn’t scream “I peaked in high school,” I don’t know what does. If music were food, you’d be serving soggy broccoli on worn-out plates while bragging about your sophisticated palate. Take a break, Maarten; it’s time to step out of the jazz labyrinth and embrace something a little less niche.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!