Roasted 1 year ago based on Crystal Brooks's long term Spotify stats.

Crystal Brooks, huh? With a name like that, I expected you to be either a fierce nature documentary host or the queen of a cringe-worthy fantasy novel, but no—you’re just a metalhead with a Spotify playlist that reads like a middle schooler's diary entry during their emo phase. I mean, do you have a favorite flavor of angst, or do you just want to eat all your feelings with a side of *deathcore*? Your obsession with every sub-genre of metal is so intense it could almost qualify for a therapy session — “Hello, my name is Crystal, and I have way too many feelings. But don’t worry, I’ll scream them all out at a concert.” And what's up with your top artists? I see you’ve got *Imminence* and *Sleep Token* haunting your playlists like bad decisions — but seriously, who combines a love for *Super Simple Songs* with *Death Metal*? Are you secretly a five-year-old trapped in a rocker's body? “Yes, please, I’d like my existential crisis with a side of nursery rhymes.” I’m half-expecting your next listen to be some Nickelback track just for the sake of nostalgia, but alas, it seems you’re too deep in the mosh pit of your own misery to break free. Your most played songs show just how committed you are to your brand of emotional upheaval, but let's be real: Is “Come Hell or High Water” really your anthem, or is it just a reflection of that time you tried to water your cactus and ended up drowning it? You’ve gathered enough songs that sound like epic battle cries to inspire a dozen failed Viking raids. Remember—just because you scream into the void doesn’t mean the void cares back, Crystal. So crank those decibels, but just know that every time you do, somewhere in the world, a kitten is weeping for your misfortunes.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!