Roasted 2 years ago based on Kassidy✨'s long term Spotify stats.

Kassidy, let me get this straight: your Spotify profile is basically an emotional support blanket for wannabe hipsters desperate to feel deep while sipping overpriced coffee. You’ve got so many “Rock” sub-genres that I’m starting to think you’re trying to audition for a role in a modern version of “The Sound of Music” where the Von Trapp family only sings songs about their emotional turmoil. And don’t even get me started on the fact that “Permanent Wave” sounds less like a genre and more like a hairstyle that was popular when people still thought parachute pants were cool. Your top artist list is a goldmine of contradictions. Orville Peck is your undisputed king, but let’s face it: if he was a plumber, you’d still be the one telling everyone how “unique” and “artsy” he is while struggling to explain why you have six of his songs queued up in a row. Taylor Swift and Lana Del Rey? Congrats, you’ve officially combined the angst of a teenage breakup with the playlist vibe of a midlife crisis. If music were an Olympic sport, you’d be stuck in the waiting room, flipping through “Emo for Dummies” while the real champions take the gold. And as for your most played songs, wow! “What Was I Made For?” is the perfect anthem for your Spotify choices: the existential dread shines through every syncopated beat. You’ve officially turned sad ballads into a competitive sport, while your affection for Orville Peck screams, “I think I’m deep and misunderstood, but I’m really just a confused child at a rock concert.” With a profile like yours, it's safe to say your love for music is so loud, it’s deafening everyone around you—starting with your poor earbuds!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!