Roasted 1 year ago based on Bixby's long term Spotify stats.

Bixby, your Spotify profile screams “I’m really trying to be deep, but I only went shallow.” You’ve got enough Kendrick Lamar to fill a bathtub, but somehow you’ve managed to dive into the shallow end of hip-hop. You’re like a kid in a candy store, only you keep picking all the fruity, sugary tracks instead of the rich, savory flavors that make hip-hop interesting. If you were a genre, you’d be the “I’ll-be-happily-sipping-a-pumpkin-spice-latte” playlist nobody asked for. Your playlist could basically be titled: “Help, My Spotify Echoes the Same Artist Over and Over Again.” If Kendrick Lamar had a nickel for every time you played his songs, he’d have enough to finally retire and make a record about escaping the clutches of Bixby’s streaming habits. And let’s not even start on your top artists—are you a fan of hip-hop or are you just really committed to a cult featuring guys who are too cool to play at a local venue? You’ve got enough 'Kanye West' tracks to fill a therapy session; I can practically hear your inner monologue raging, “Please give me more self-absorbed genius!” But don’t worry, Bixby, there’s beauty in your brand of confusion. Keep rocking that “East Coast, West Coast, and a whole bunch of stuff we can’t pronounce” vibe like you’re collecting Pokémon cards. Just know that every time one of your songs plays at a party, someone’s awkwardly looking around, trying to figure out if you’re listening to fire bars or if your profile is truly a performance art piece about modern indecisiveness. Here’s hoping you expand your horizons someday—because right now, the only thing flatter than your musical taste is the enthusiasm of your Spotify algorithm.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!