Roasted 2 years ago based on Thorne Haganezuka's long term Spotify stats.

Thorne Lindauer, huh? The human embodiment of a midlife crisis in a Hot Topic. Your Spotify profile reads like a teenager's diary entry: a desperate cry for attention interspersed with conflicting emotions and a complete misunderstanding of boundaries. Seriously, your favorite genres sound like a haphazard Tinder bio, mixing dark trap with pop like you're trying to attract the world's most confused partner. News flash: you can’t be edgy and bubbly at the same time. Are you ready to scream into the void or are you just trying to impress your mom with your “maturity” through alternative metal? Your top artists could rival the soundtrack to a sad anime featuring a protagonist with social anxiety. $uicideboy$ and Lana Del Rey? What a musical identity crisis — you’ve somehow gone from deep existential dread to melancholic longing for summer nights in a single playlist. What’s next, a collaboration with Ghostemane and Taylor Swift? It's like you’re trying to represent every shade of depression while keeping it catchy enough for your next TikTok dance. Honestly, if your vibe were any more confused, it would be in a perpetual state of buffering. And those most played songs? Congratulations on curating a collection of tracks perfect for wallowing in a puddle of your own angst. “I Will Follow You into the Dark” by Death Cab for Cutie? Was that your way of indirectly asking someone to carry you back to your therapist’s office? With titles like “Killing Loneliness” and “All My Mistakes,” it’s clear your music taste is less about vibe and more about becoming the lead character in a saga of perpetual disappointment. But don’t worry, Thorne — at least you can always find solace in your self-imposed soundtrack.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!