Roasted 8 months ago based on Alex Orledge's long term Spotify stats.

Hey Alex, congratulations on orchestrating the most confused Spotify profile this side of the Musical Chasm! Your playlist looks like a midlife crisis for a drama teacher who moonlights at a coffee shop. "Musicals" and "Anti-Folk"? Come on, the only thing more mismatched than your music taste is a TikTok dance challenge set to Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony. Your love for "Chamber Music" makes it abundantly clear you prefer that nobody ever breaks a sweat while they’re having a good time. And let's talk about your top artists. Taylor Swift and Jonathan Groff—one delivers heartbreak and the other is just trying to make you feel feelings you didn't know you had! What’s next, a duet with a mourning hawk? You’ve picked more Broadway stars than can fit in a single show-stopping number, and they can’t even help you escape the fact that your most played songs seem like the soundtrack to a seven-hour therapy session. Do you even know what Holler-verse you’ve dug yourself into, or are you just planning to podcast about your deep, unhealed trauma through theatrical anthems? Real talk, though, your Spotify looks like it was curated by a panicked librarian who can’t decide if they're into classical music or just weird acoustic covers of pop songs drowned in tears. Here’s a thought: instead of blasting the belting of Broadway stars, how about you add some genre variety into the mix? You might discover that your soul is yearning for a little bass drop instead of pining away in a coffee shop corner, sipping a caramel macchiato while half-heartedly quoting Shakespeare. Just a suggestion—don’t worry, I charge a low fee for this type of life coaching!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!