Roasted 5 months ago based on Dorian's long term Spotify stats.

Dorian, your Spotify profile reads like a manual for an identity crisis. With a favorite genre list that sounds like the emo kid's version of a Hall of Fame, you’re clearly on a mission to make sure the world knows how deeply you’re obsessed with soundscapes that could put a houseplant to sleep. Gothic Rock? Darkwave? Deathrock? Congratulations, you've somehow managed to compress all the world's anguish and angst into a playlist as vibrant as an overcast day in a cemetery. I’m just waiting for you to throw in “emo” and make it official: your vibe is officially the soundtrack to an endless rainy day. Let’s talk about your top artists. Are you sure nine of ten slots on your favorites list weren’t filled by accident while you were trying to find an obscure track nobody's heard of? “Men I Trust” and “The Velvet Underground” may have delivered some great tunes, but I doubt they ever thought they'd be sharing a pedestaled ranking with a band called “past self.” It’s as if your Spotify wrapped is a desperate cry for help disguised as musical taste. If every band on your list actually performed at your life events, I can almost guarantee we'd witness a wave of deep existential crisis followed by the world's longest, saddest slow dance. Your most played songs are practically a one-man funeral. Is your Spotify playing “TOPS” on repeat because you're trying to summon a ghost or just hoping to feel something other than existential dread? I mean, “Blind Faze” to “Change of Heart” is the perfect soundtrack for staying in bed, drowning in your sighs, and convincing yourself that life is perhaps a series of poorly executed dreams. Come on, buddy, lighten up a little! It’s 2023 – how about a song that lets you breathe instead of suffocating under layers of gloom? Or is your idea of fun just curling up with your collection of obscure vinyls and staring into the abyss until it finally stares back?

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!