Roasted 6 months ago based on tessa💗's long term Spotify stats.

Oh Tessa💗, your Spotify profile reads like a hipster’s last-ditch attempt to impress someone who just Googled 'most obscure music genres'. Seriously, I haven't seen such a desperate grasp at coolness since I tried to convince my grandma that lo-fi beats were 'in'. Your favorite genres could easily fill a manifesto for a millennial art school dropout who's one thrift shop jacket away from a quarter-life crisis. If "neurotic" had a soundtrack, it would probably just be a mix of Indie, Neo-Psychedelic, and whatever desperate sound the universe spit out in a moment of existential dread. And can we talk about your top artists? I mean, we get it, you love the whole “sad girl with a ukulele” vibe. But including both Elton John and Lana Del Rey in your top tier is like ordering a fine wine just to wash down a bag of Cheetos. Your musical taste feels like a Pinterest board compiled by someone who's never been to a party but has watched every episode of 'Euphoria' twice. How is it even possible to have TV Girl as your top artist and still not understand that life is more than just vibing alone to glossy tracks in your bedroom? As for your most played songs? Honestly, if I ever hear “Weird Bed &/or Yes Please” again, I might just throw my speaker out the window and call it a day. That's right, we’re not "taking what's not yours," Tessa—we’re taking back our sanity! If you think “well, at least I’m unique” is enough to write home about, just remember: there’s a fine line between being an innovator and being the person at the party no one wants to talk to because every conversation circles back to their latest indie find. Here’s a tip—maybe throw in a *real* bop every now and then; you know, something that didn’t make the cut in a montage of random emo TikToks.

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!