Roasted 1 year ago based on Kirstin's long term Spotify stats.

Kirstin, if your Spotify profile was a movie, it would definitely go straight to DVD under the genre of "films best enjoyed alone in a dark room, sobbing over your expired dreams." Your playlist reads like the emotional breakdown of someone who couldn't decide between the sad and the mildly depressing – it's like you stumbled into a record store and accidentally unlocked a portal to 1985's worst mood swings. With genres like "Cold Wave" and "Deathrock," it seems you’re trying to put the 'fun' in dysfunctional, but all you’ve managed to do is serve us a delightful buffet of existential dread with a side of cringeworthy longing. Your top artists scream “I take my angst with a side of atmospheric!” — as if curating a soundtrack for your imaginary life as a goth mermaid who constantly loses her car keys. The Cure and Lana Del Rey in the same breath? Girl, you're basically part of the emotional support group for the "Crying is Eternal" club. And let’s not even dive into your obsession with "New Wave"; it feels like you heard that term and ran with it like it was the only thing you identified with. Spoiler alert: you can't escape the pain of your Spotify list, no matter how many atmospheric synths you play on repeat. And speaking of your most played songs, it’s like you’ve combined the raw talents of artists who sound like they’ve all been through a hundred breakups over tea and professional disappointment. I mean, “sAy sOMETHINg” by “Lil Yachty?” Really? Are you sure you’re not trying to send yourself some self-help messages while also managing lower than average self-esteem? Your listening habits are basically giving off major “I cry at coffee shops while wearing oversized sweaters” vibes. Remember, Kirstin, if music is the soundtrack of your life, you might want to resolve those mood swings before it plays at your funeral – it’s never too late to switch to something a bit more upbeat, like Polka!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!