Roasted 2 years ago based on Essiah's long term Spotify stats.

Essiah, your Spotify profile reads like a mid-2000s emo kid’s diary after a breakup, with enough angst to renovate a small home. Seriously, every genre list of yours looks like a hipster auction called "Name That Overly-Sensitive Vibe." I mean, who knew that someone could jam their entire personality into a playlist of sad boy ballads and indie alternative anthems? We get it; you feel things. But it's about time you hit "shuffle" on that emotional baggage and perhaps explore something slightly less self-indulgent. Maybe add a little accidental joy to your life instead of permanently wallowing in the waves of your “Indietronica” fantasies. Your top artist selections seem curated by someone who didn’t realize modern rock ended a decade ago. The Killers? Sweetheart, that’s a “dad band” now. It’s like you woke up and thought, “What do all the kids need to jam out to while cruising in mom’s minivan?” I half-expect your top artist to change to Billy Joel next week. And don’t think I missed the glaring lack of diversity in your listening habits. It’s a good thing your playlists don’t have feelings, or they’d be calling their therapist every time they played “Mama’s Boy” for the third time in a row. As for your most played songs, I can’t help but feel sorry for your poor neighbors who have to endure "Romantic Homicide" on repeat. Sounds like the perfect soundtrack for a Sunday drive into the depths of your existential crisis. And “Anthems For A Seventeen Year-Old Girl”? Wow, nothing says "I'm an adult" like replaying a song that encapsulates the essence of teenage heartache. But here’s a wild idea: maybe throw in a song with a beat that makes you want to move instead of lugging around your emotional suitcase for another round of “Why do I suck at relationships?” So please, for the love of all that is tuneful, consider branching out. Try a little more fun and a little less sad. Your Spotify could use a vacation away from the feels!

Roasts are purely for fun and entertainment. They're not meant to be taken seriously. Enjoy the laughs, but remember your music taste is uniquely yours!